FRANK

If you're one of those Austinites that can name the exact date that this town stopped being cool, which has something to do with an icehouse closing, you may very likely hate FRANK. We wouldn't know how cool Austin was; we moved here long after Austin stopped being cool and are using up all the water and jobs that are left, and making fun of select bathrooms in our spare time.

FRANK is a spanking-new hot dog joint that tries to look old and makes and slings "artisanal" sausages. That means fancily hand-crafted. FRANK is a hipster/yuppie joint that does have decent food, but even the noobs in town will pop their Yankee monocles at tallboys of beer priced at $3. Gasp anew at the baskets of waffle fries, which will set you back $7. In case you wondered where the hell FRANK is spending all that cash, let us show you. Their bathrooms are strip-club fancy with granite sinks and a cool toilet paper holder (not pictured) that made us want a bigger bag so we could steal it. But stealing is wrong. Wrong!! Almost as wrong as charging $8 for a beef sausage sandwich. Oh, calm down we bitch because we love.

Mesa Ranch South

Tucked away in the corner of a Clarion, the Mesa Ranch is a super-cute extreme-Texan-themed restaurant and bar. Kickass cuisine, fierce margaritas, live music (often with no cover), and yes, kitchy, tin-sign taxidermy crap all over the walls including the bathrooms!! We totally walked in on a dude trying to pee (we knocked, he hadn't locked the door and I guess dudes walk in on each other all the time when they're pissing. Gross!) so we hope you like the pic of the urinal, which is adjacent to dangling mega-fishing lures. The ladies' room door says "COWGIRLS," naturally. The paper towel holder is a tooled leather basket and a metal sign underlines the serious importance of continued, dedicated drinking. The Mesa Ranch is fun, we'll be back.

Silhouette Sushiya

In the shadow of the Capitol building is Silhouette Sushiya, a totally cool sushi, cocktail and karaoke bar. We love it for lunch, the art on the walls, and the extended happy hours during which we feel like such grown-ups as we get smashed. And man, is the ladies' bathroom ever sweet! They are as sophisticated as the rest of the place, and even elegant with the honkin' chandeliers and glass bowl sink that reminds us of the one we used at Rick's Cabaret . In another life, we would have been tempted to stuff the awesome, organic hand soap resting on the dark wooden cabinet into our handbag . But those days are over and we plan to return to Silhouette soon, so we just washed up with the free-range lovely suds, took these pics and left.