POO BLOG ON TOUR!! Herm's Palace, Chicago, IL

We here at the Poo Blog are big fans of hot dogs. Herm's Palace, right outside Chicago in Evanston, IL, is an awesome family joint that doesn't use computers or even WRITE ANY ORDERS DOWN when you make them. They can literally remember the food orders of 40 people and not screw it up. Their food is sublime. But getting to the can is a challenge. You have to go downstairs (don't hit your head, the door is low clearance) to the basement. Spoooky.

FRANK

If you're one of those Austinites that can name the exact date that this town stopped being cool, which has something to do with an icehouse closing, you may very likely hate FRANK. We wouldn't know how cool Austin was; we moved here long after Austin stopped being cool and are using up all the water and jobs that are left, and making fun of select bathrooms in our spare time.

FRANK is a spanking-new hot dog joint that tries to look old and makes and slings "artisanal" sausages. That means fancily hand-crafted. FRANK is a hipster/yuppie joint that does have decent food, but even the noobs in town will pop their Yankee monocles at tallboys of beer priced at $3. Gasp anew at the baskets of waffle fries, which will set you back $7. In case you wondered where the hell FRANK is spending all that cash, let us show you. Their bathrooms are strip-club fancy with granite sinks and a cool toilet paper holder (not pictured) that made us want a bigger bag so we could steal it. But stealing is wrong. Wrong!! Almost as wrong as charging $8 for a beef sausage sandwich. Oh, calm down we bitch because we love.

The Liberty Bar

We love cheap shitty dive bars as much if not more than the next person, and true to form, the Liberty Bar is a drunk's dream come true: Two vodka sodas and a Lone Star cost just $8.50 when we visited. Even though this joint is brand-new, it's pretty clear the owners spent more time curating the graffiti art and packing down the dirt in the bocce ball court than fixing up the bathrooms. The ladies' is a tactical disaster: swinging doors made of plywood, even when carved in a charming, Western saloon style, do not work. They neither open nor will they properly close. This means instant bonding , as every single woman attempting to use said loo will utter a "What the hell" which will be echoed by an "I KNOW, RIGHT!!" Also, the mirrors are in a disastrous state. Warning us that they're about to collapse is not quite good enough when someone is bleeding. The men's room has a trough - so old school. Yet another great bar with a shitty bathroom. Home at last.

Mesa Ranch South

Tucked away in the corner of a Clarion, the Mesa Ranch is a super-cute extreme-Texan-themed restaurant and bar. Kickass cuisine, fierce margaritas, live music (often with no cover), and yes, kitchy, tin-sign taxidermy crap all over the walls including the bathrooms!! We totally walked in on a dude trying to pee (we knocked, he hadn't locked the door and I guess dudes walk in on each other all the time when they're pissing. Gross!) so we hope you like the pic of the urinal, which is adjacent to dangling mega-fishing lures. The ladies' room door says "COWGIRLS," naturally. The paper towel holder is a tooled leather basket and a metal sign underlines the serious importance of continued, dedicated drinking. The Mesa Ranch is fun, we'll be back.

Silhouette Sushiya

In the shadow of the Capitol building is Silhouette Sushiya, a totally cool sushi, cocktail and karaoke bar. We love it for lunch, the art on the walls, and the extended happy hours during which we feel like such grown-ups as we get smashed. And man, is the ladies' bathroom ever sweet! They are as sophisticated as the rest of the place, and even elegant with the honkin' chandeliers and glass bowl sink that reminds us of the one we used at Rick's Cabaret . In another life, we would have been tempted to stuff the awesome, organic hand soap resting on the dark wooden cabinet into our handbag . But those days are over and we plan to return to Silhouette soon, so we just washed up with the free-range lovely suds, took these pics and left.

POO BLOG ON TOUR!! DIXIE CHICKEN in College Station, TX

So, what else is there to do in College Station than to gig 'em and attend fire school trade shows? Well, Dixie Chicken is pretty popular. Its rustic-looking facade, one million taxidermied deer heads, and olde-timey amusinge signs on the walls make Red Lobster look like a five-star yuppie joint. People line up, order their food, then drink beer and play dominoes while they wait.

The ladies' room in Dixie Chicken is something of a horrorshow where crazy tin signs take on a twisted, awful new meaning. No antibacterial soap nor hot water is enough to remove the overwhelming feeling of ickiness this rest room provokes. We were digging the vibe in the Dixie Chicken until we visited the ladies', and maybe, just maybe, a bunch of beers wold help us see it differently. Maybe.

POO BLOG ON TOUR!! College Station, TX

College Station is just 110 miles from the ATX, but man is it ever Aggie-ful and large-animal-hospital-y and rustic and Texan college-town in a way we kind of enjoyed. Our intention was to visit Disaster City, a massive, 32-acre training facility for fire fighters complete with scenarios like "FLAMING OIL WELL" and "COLLAPSED MINI-MALL," but we found something even better - a full-sized, porcelain toilet housed in a fire truck!! Can you believe this?

This real toilet was custom-built into a fire truck for Riverside FD.
We were floored at the ingenuity. God knows the people that run into burning buildings to save lives deserve every comfort and necessity available right by their sides - and if it wasn't available before, it is now! Way to go, Riverside FD. We salute you, and your can!